Food Reviews, April 10, 2012






Food Reviews


Grape: A sack of colourless fluid that exudes a sweet smell. Once opened with the teeth or the fingernails, some fleshy pulp and (in certain varieties) a bitter seed will be felt upon the tongue. The tearing sound heard within the head as the fruit’s skin is chewed is one of the great pleasures of the grape. A heart attack is the first sign of an overdose of the soft silvery-white metal, potassium, which is contained by grapes.

Water: An extraordinarily basic compound, water is experientally void unless crunched as ice, causing the nerves in the teeth to ache. Thickened with cream or butter, it provides the foundation for a fulfilling winter warmer. As an ingredient in cooking, the force of any flavour or texture may be reduced by the addition of water, giving rise to the phrase: ‘weak’. Water is as versatile as an empty room; it is recreationally entered by visitors and those who live nearby for the purpose, but remains itself uninhabited.


Chocolate: Wiped from a child’s mouth, sweet brown chocolate lacks appeal. Nevertheless, the Aztec remnant is consumed throughout the day in well-to-do countries. Chocolate melts at the temperature of skin, and a scientific inquiry was launched during the second Great War by the military of the United States to prevent this. Proportionally, only a tiny amount of the resulting product, M&Ms, is consumed generations later. Chocolate has a profound softening effect on the hormonal (endocrinal) system; this biochemical quirk is exploited to reduce the every-day person’s distaste for day-to-day living.